so i have been struggling with the desire to do what God has for me to do, while not being free at the moment to be in full-time christian ministry. i am struggling through two jobs, between which i only seem to get a day off if i call in sick. if not for sick days, i would have worked every day for the last two and a half weeks and would be on the clock for the next two weeks easy with no break. but such is life right now...
that said, i have noticed that i have also been on another clock--God's. in the last few weeks i have had numerous conversations with different people that i work with. there's a guy that used to go to church, but is now a self-professed "pothead." another guy who is trying to get sober after an addiction to prescription drugs, that landed him in numerous rehab programs. a girl struggling with a relationship that she alternately wants/needs to break off, then again she doesn't.
every time i come home and talk to renee about the latest conversation she smiles knowingly, like a mom does when her son brings home yet another stray that he wants to adopt. do not mistake me to mean that i am taking in strays, because these people are so much more than that to me, they are my friends, my co-workers, etc. rather, it is the look that renee gives me, as if to say, "someone else gave you their story." i guess that's what it is. i collect stories. i hope that i do more than just collect them. i hope that i am pointing these people to the one in whom hope is found. i do find it interesting that so many people confide in me their stories, their bugaboos, their warts, their brokenness. maybe it is as my sister-in-law says that "people can smell Jesus on [me]."
that said, i had the privilege to talk to a friend, who will remain nameless. a group of us went for a few drinks after work. we got to talking about God after numerous comments that i was a pastor. i don't recall how the early part of the conversation went, but i remember my friend stating very matter-of-factly that while they believed in a "higher power" that they did not believe in God, couldn't believe in the christian God after all the things that christians had said about God and about my friend's situation. needless to say, i was deeply saddened. they also said that they had a hard time believing that a loving God would allow the types of things that had happened in their life to happen to them. suffice it to say that my friend has had one of the toughest 20+ years of life that i have ever come into contact with.
i shudder to think how i would have been shaped had that been my life. my friend readily admits that they are broken and damaged--a leap that many more well-adjusted people would have a difficult time making. yet in spite of all that, that my friend is comfortable with who they are and have become, though they harbor no hope of healing. they have a peace with themselves even if they do not have a peace with many of those who are around them. still my friend struggles and strives in this life.
i am trying to show my friend Jesus, to comfort my friend and show them grace. that is what they need more than anything right now. i have seen first hand the grace of Christ change a hardened life, melt away the years of mistrust, skepticism, and fear. i pray with all my heart that this is the case with my friend, and that i am but an instrument through which God chooses to work.
it is at this that renee smiles knowingly. she says "even though you don't have a church, you are already being a pastor." you know what she is right, God continues to use me in spite of my shortcomings and it is all for his glory.
3 comments:
"it is at this that renee smiles knowingly. she says "even though you don't have a church, you are already being a pastor."
Sandy, of course we've talked about this before, but the above IS your church. Church is not a building you meet at on particualr days. You are in your church, presenting and demonstrating the gospel whenever you listen, care about, communicate with, etc. to those people who are hurting, needing, telling you their story, etc. Keep at it and I'll continue to pray for you there in Austin.
Todd V.
Demonstrate Christ's Love
Develop in Christ's Character
Duplicate Christ's Example
You are already doing all three and you don't even need the 4 walls of a "church" building, a budget or an official title. You just need to be who you are in Christ.
I sincerely hope you find a way to continue your ministry in this way for a long time...though for your sake I hope you get a reprieve from the long hours! What you are doing right NOW is better than any prospectus you ever showed me. :)
i have not thought of the church as a building in some time. i do, however, think of the church as a community of believers that gathers. that is what renee and i refer to. that said, i am beginning to see how in many ways it can be so much more beautiful to minister to those who are not believers. this is the impetus behind the post, ministering to these broken people, some of whom admit they are broken and others who are not ready to admit it, though they realize they need something. thanks for the comments. i miss you guys.
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